Lord of the Rings meets SONIC THE HEDGEHOG
by ElvenLeaf
Summary: Its so funny its double humor rated. What happens when sonic the hedgehog meets Lord of the rings in this whacked-out parody? find out and REVEIW IT!


Chapter One – Weird Introductions

The Land of Rivendell seemed consumed with despair, even in the midst of all it's beauty was a dark awakening. Arwen, Elf Princess and daughter of Lord Elrond, was having a personal conference with Aragorn, Son of Arathorn, her lover!

"Why do you fear the past? You are Isildur's heir, not Isildur himself." Her words seemed enchanting.

"His very blood flows in my veins—" Suddenly, there was a loud, erm, boom? A strange sound was heard—sounding like the world's fasted hedgehog running towards them at full speed—and that's just what it happened to be. "What is that?!" Arwen cried, backing away from Aragorn slightly.

And then it hit them. Or more like _he _hit them. Indeed, it was Sonic the Hedgehog, who had somehow found his way into the very depths of Middle-Earth. Knocking both of them over, he collided into a nearby pillar, causing much chaos.

"What in Middle-Earth!" Aragorn stood up, not bothering to help Arwen and glaring at the ball of blue that was lying on the floor. "Who are you? SPEAK!" The hedgehog collected himself together, standing up and smoothing his spikes. "I'm Sonic! Sonic the Hedgehog!"

Both the elf and mortal man stared at him. "…A hedgehog?" Arwen finally squeaked out.

"I'm Sonic! Sonic the Hedgehog!"

"Yeah…we, uh, know."

"I'm Sonic! Sonic the Hedgehog!"

"You told us twice already…"

"I'm Sonic! Sonic the H—"

" WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE!! NOW SHUT UP!!!!"

Arwen seemed very threatening; as for a split second she turned into Satan and then back into herself. The hedgehog blushed a bit. "Sorry," he apologized shyly. "Now what are you doing here?! A talking, RUNNING hedgehog?!"

"I told you, I'm Sonic, Sonic the Hedgehog. The world's fastest hedgehog!" Sonic exclaimed, crossing his arms and taking an uber-cool pose. Arwen's eyes turned dreamy, as she stared at the handsome hedgehog, her mouth agape. Aragorn glared from Sonic, to Arwen, to Sonic, and back to Arwen. "OH COME ON! Your not going to choose that dumb animal over me, the future King of Gondor, are you?!"

Suddenly, there was a voice from behind. "Hey! He's not a dumb animal. If you've got a problem with him, you've got a problem with us." Both Arwen and Aragorn turned around to see two more strange animals, one looking similar to the hedgehog, and another to a fox, except with two tails.

Sonic smiled approvingly, as he walked over to join his friends. "This is Knuckles," he said, introducing the one that looked almost like a hedgehog. "He's an echidna, and this is Miles, but you can call him Tails. Together, we're Team Sonic."

"And just how did you end up here?!" Aragorn asked, now a bit furious, and totally unsure of what they really were. The graphics were totally out of this world. Sonic shrugged. "Long story…but we don't have the time for that. We were sent here on a mission—"

"THERE YOU ARE SONIC!!!" Came a girly voice from behind.

"Oh, dear God, not another one…" Aragorn mumbled, seeing as a pink and red hedgehog approached. Team Sonic turned around to glare as Amy Rose approached, Aragorn and Arwen now completely dumbfounded.

"Where are we? I was looking for you forever, and I happened to notice that portal you walked in when I was stalking—I mean when I noticed you walking towards it…."

Sonic sighed. "AMY! Why are you here?! You were following me, weren't you?"

Tails rolled his eyes. "Great! All we need is lover girl to come along now!"

Amy flashed an evil glare at Tails, but then looked back to Sonic happily. "Okay…so maybe I was. But I want to help. I couldn't let you get hurt!" She pleaded, her eyes gleaming gleefully. Sonic sighed again, pacing slightly. "How many times do I have to tell you? I don't need your help!"

Aragorn interrupted the conversation. "Look! This wasn't in the books! This isn't supposed to happen!" Peter Jackson randomly appeared, walking out of a closet door, which had also randomly appeared. "Tell me about it," he said, holding a copy of one of the trilogy, and ripping out a few pages, rewriting them. He then walked off the scene.

Everyone stared as he walked away. "Who was that…" Sonic asked. "I'll tell you if you marry me!" Amy cried, even though she didn't know who he was either. "No way!" Sonic exclaimed, backing away from her and looking at Knuckles who gave him a lets-get-down-to-business-or-I'll-bite-off-your-face look.

Chapter Two – Information

Sonic turned back to Aragorn and Arwen, who were now chattering amongst themselves, thinking they might be dreaming. "As I had been saying, we were sent here on a mission. Something about a ring, which I do collect…they help me stay alive. And a Dark Lord we were supposed to defeat, and a fiery place in some relation to hell called Mordor."

"Your collecting the One Rings?!" Arwen shouted, now even more confused then she had been. "Wait, there's more than one Ring?!?! AHHHH!!!" She started to run around in circles like a chicken with it's head chopped off. Sonic raised an eyebrow, glancing at her and then to Aragorn. "Noooo…. rings. They give me health, you know? Keep me alive? What is this One Ring?"

Aragorn sighed. "ItsanevilRingcreatedintheplaceyoulearnedaboutcalledMordorthatwhichneedstobedestroyedbybeingthrownintoMountDoomalsoinMordorforbeingcreatedtherecanonlybedestroyedthereThewholefateofMiddleEarthistiedtoit." He explained all in one breath.

"I didn't hear a word you just said…but somehow I understood it," Sonic replied, as Arwen continued to run around frantically in circles. "Oh, then I guess we're thinking about totally different rings."

Amy, who was attempting to calm Arwen down, had now succeeded by telling her he meant a different ring. Arwen sighed with relief, but then suddenly had a stroke and blacked out. Everyone just kind of watched as an ambulance came rolling down the road out of nowhere, skid off the road, placed Arwen on a stretcher, shoved her in the back, slammed the doors, and sped off the road again.

"ANYWAY…" Tails remarked, breaking the awkward silence. "We'd better get to this Mordor place."

Knuckles nodded in agreement. "Can you help us on our quest…? Oh, and what is it you go by?"

"Around here he's known as Strider…." Aragorn commented randomly, repeating one of Barliman's lines, imitating his voice. "Oh, and there's Long Shanks, Elfstone, King Aragorn, Gorny…. but you guys can just call me Aragorn, I guess."

"Uh huh," Sonic said a bit uninterested. "That means you'll help us get to Mordor?" "Well, actually, Frodo Baggins, this hobbit, you know, short creature with hairy feet? He was supposed to take the ring to Mordor, but I guess you guys can instead."

He reached into his pocket. "Ah, here it is." With a content smile, he handed the cheap looking ring to Sonic. "It's kind of cheap, I know. Plastic. But hey, only the fires of Mount Doom can melt it. That's how you'll defeat Sauron, the Dark Lord." Knuckles nodded. "Good," He took the Ring, examining it a bit, flipped it once or twice and then handed it to Sonic. "You can be the Ring Bearer."

Sonic smiled in a way never seen before by any other... animal, his eyes glistening as he stared at the plastic ring. He rubbed it a minute. "This…is like.. The ultimate ring… I.. will have.. IMMORTAILITY!!!"

Everyone stopped, and looked at sonic a moment.

"Um, I mean… lets destroy it!!" he said, and began to march off. He started down the path, with his companions next to him. He stopped as he came to a fork in the road "Gandalf… Which way to Mordor? Left or right?" Sonic asked.

"Left." Gandalf replied, as he appeared out of nowhere behind sonic. Aragorn looked up at the old wizard, quirking a brow. "What about Frodo?" he asked.

"Frodo!?" Gandalf said, almost shocked by the name. "What about him? We're supposed to be destroying his ring!"

"HIS ring?" Aragorn asked, looking at Gandalf. "Have you lost your mind? Its SAURON'S ring we have to destroy."

"Oops." Gandalf said, looking around suspiciously. "Does that mean I helped the wrong person?"

Amy suddenly jumped on Gandalf, bashing his head with her pikapika hammer, knocking the wizard unconscious.

"What was that all about?" Knuckles asked, looking at Amy.

"I dunno." She said. "He made me jealous."

"How did he make you jealous?"

"He was standing closer to Sonic..."

Sonic glanced back at Amy, and rolled his eyes. "poor old man… Getting knocked unconscious by a lovesick hedgehog."

Suddenly, all five of them; Aragorn, Sonic, Amy, Miles, and Knuckles, heard something in the bushes. They all turned, getting in fighting position.

"Its Shadow!" Sonic yelled.

"It's Eggman!" Knuckles yelled.

"Its CUTE!" Amy yelled. She blinked. "Um... I mean... it's... NOT SOMETHING GOOD!"

Before anyone could strike an attack, two small beings with furry feet fell from the bushes.

"PIPPIN!" one of them yelled, standing up, and hitting the other lightly on the head.

"Ow! Sowwy Merry..." Pippin said, and stood up. "I didn't mean to sneeze..."

"You didn't sneeze. You tripped."

"Oh yeah. That."

Aragorn smiled in delight. "MY HOBBIT FRIENDS!" he said, running over and hugging them.

"AHH!! THE LOVE!!" Merry screeched, and fell to the ground, twitching. Pippin held his hands in front of his face. "Don't throw another apple at me, Strider!"

The Sonic Heroes watched, confused once again. Tails looked up at Sonic. "why did we ever come here again?" he asked. Sonic held out the ring. "Massive power!... I mean! To save the earth...AGAIN!"

Pippin suddenly hugged merry. "Daddy, I want to be a detective when I grow up..."

Merry blinked. "GET A JOB PIPPIN!"

"But, but.." pippin pleaded. "I already have a theme song! Listen!" he cleared his throat, and began to sing;

"When a crime breaks out you'll hear the ladies shout get the 'GOOD LOOKIN GUY'!

When there's a crime out there he's gonna, comb his hair cuz he's the 'GOOD LOOKIN GUY'!"

Merry blinked, and hit pippin over the head again. "GET A JOB!" he repeated.

Amy suddenly started humming along. "Hey! That's actually a catchy tune!" She smiled, in a very obnoxious way, staring at Pip. Sonic blinked, and waved his hand in front of Amy, but she didn't seem to notice.

"YES! I'M FREE!" He screeched happily, and began to prance around, and cuddling the ring. "SMEAGOL IS FREEEEE!"

Amy suddenly realized that sonic was her only true love, and pounced on him, hugging him tightly.

"NOO! SO CLOSE!!!" Sonic whined, as he jumped out of Amy's grasp. As he jumped, he stumbled into a tree, opening up a secret passage way.

"What's this?" Gandalf cried, suddenly awake again.

Chapter 3 – Way into Mordor

"Why, it appears to be a secret passage way that leads straight into the pit of MOUNT DOOM! The very place the one ring was forged!" Knuckles exclaimed. "Who shall go first?"

Without waiting for an answer, he picked up Tails and threw him into the hole. He then picked up Gandalf, throwing him after Tails. He reached behind him, latching onto Pippin's arm, but Pippin bit Knuckles in the knuckles and then kicked him in after Gandalf. Sonic Jumped in after Knuckles, and Amy after Sonic. Soon, everyone was in the hole, falling, falling, towards Mount Doom.

"Welcome to HEAVEN!" Ricky, the squirrel, suddenly said, holding a shovel out for Merry.

"WHAT?" Merry asked, looking around. "Heaven?! With a shovel!?"

"PRECIOUSSSS!" He heard someone else screech. Soon, Gollum pounced on Ricky, and fell into the fires of Mount Doom. Somehow Ricky survived, but no one knows where he went.

"What the crap!" Pippin cried, clinging to the first head he could, which happened to be Tails'.

"AGGH!! GEROFF ME!" He yelled and pushed Pippin away as they fell into the chamber, landing on the entryway. There was a dark figure standing in the shadows, cackling evily. Everyone slowly stood up glancing at him. "Eggman…?" Sonic finally blurted out. "Yes! It is I! The Almighty Eggman!"

The cackling of Eggman became louder and SHOOK THE FOUNDATIONS OF THE EARTH. Actually, it didn't, but that's not the friggin' point.

"The world is changing…" He said in an oddly enchanting Galadriel-like voice.

"I can smell it in the air

I can feel It in the water

I can TASTE IT IN MY SPIKED NOGG!!!"

"Spiked Nogg?!" Frodo exclaimed as he stood at the door of Mount Doom, holding the phial of Galadriel that actually looks like a cheap imitation that Bobby from X-men tried to create in the ocean before. Eggman turned and saw the Flobbit- I mean, Hobbit, and stared at it as if it were… a… cheesecake.

"WHAT IS THIS BEING?!?!" Eggman cackled, and it was at this moment that Knuckles, the shexah echidna realized that one of Eggman's eyes were identical to **THE EYE OF SAURON**.

"GASP!" Knuckled exclaimed, which everyone kinda wondered why he didn't just gasp instead of saying the word gasp…

"SAURON **IS** EGGMAN!"

Loud, high-pitched screams emitted from everyone standing about. Except for Amy—hers was oddly low-pitched. O.0

"What is this devillery?!" Boromir exclaimed, randomly appearing behind Aragorn and Frodo.

"It…it can't be true!…" Merry and Sonic cried in unison/harmony, and then exchanged glances.

"Yes…YES IT IS TRUE!!!!" Eggman declared, now taking a full-fledged form of the Eye of Sauron. "It is I, the Almighty Eye of Sauron! No one would ever expect that I, Sauron, could take the form of a measly little Egg-shaped thing!"

Then…randomly, interrupting the Eye of Sauron's evil cackle was a cat. Innocent…cute...and ON ITS HIND LEGS!

It suddenly winked, and started to sing—and dance.

"CAT! I'm a kitty cat! And I dance, dance, dance, and I dance, dance, dance! CAT! I'm a kitty cat…and I dance, dance, dance, and I dance, dance, dance! CAT! I'm a kitty cat…and I dance, dance, dance, and I dance, dance, dance! CAT! I'm a kitty cat…and I dance, dance, dance, and I dance, dance, dance! OH SOOO FLUFFY AND BOUNCY!!!!! CAT! I'm a kitty cat, and I meow, meow, meow, and I meow, meow, meow! CAT! I'm a kitty cat, and I meow, meow, meow, and I meow, meow, meow!—" But before it could finish it's shockingly disturbing/annoying song, Sonic pulled out a rifle and shot it.

"KNUCKLES!" Eggman exclaimed. "I like that cat… it reminded me of Dr. EVIL! My mommy!"

"…Mom?" Everyone asked in Harmony/Unison/Off tempo- whatever that means. They all looked at each other and shivered. Creepy.

Then, randomly, Amy walked over to Sonic and slapped him. "AH!" Sonic yelped. "what the crap was that for?"

"For not marrying me." Amy said sadly.

Well, in the unexpected random burst of anger from the possession of the plastic one RING OF FIRE, or doom, or whatever... Sonic hit Amy back. **GASP**!

Amy was extremely taken aback, slowly walking backwards with widened eyes.

"OKAY PEOPLE! THIS IS WHEN YOU'RE PATHETIC ATTEMPT STOPS! He is not really Sauron, I AM! He is some LOSER POSER WHO JUST WANTS POWER!" Sonic glared at Eggman/Sauron/whoever it was, snapped his fingers, and the Eggman/Sauron/whoever it was disappeared into thin smoke…that really wasn't thin…it was really thick…so everyone broke into coughing spasms.

Chapter 4 – Um, who cares?

**---Three hours later after the smoke had cleared—**

After getting a French manicure (although he has no fingernails to get manicured) and an eyebrow wax, Sonic—who was know Sauron, and actually was before, came out on the little prairie I mean entryway thing and smirked. "Now as I was saying…this really was all a misunderstanding. See, I started to turn…um, what would you call it, EVIL, when I was eleven years old."

"IT ALL STARTED…when…a little man….by the name of……ELROND…tripped me. It was a mean…nasty…trick." Suddenly he burst into tears and started to rock back and forth.

Frodo grabbed the rifle that Sonic/Sauron had pulled out earlier, and shot Sauron's eye in the pupil. He fell over dead, lifeless, and cold. Smirking, Frodo shrugged.

"I guess you'll never get to hear the end of his story."

THE END!


End file.
